Girls with teeny ta-tas might be able to pull off a plunging neckline without looking boobilicious and don’t have to wear multiple sports bras, but it’s not all spaghetti straps and sunshine. If your bra size is the same as the type of batteries in your remote control, we feel you. Read on for 14 problems you and your bee stings can totally relate to.
1. In high school, you bought the smallest bra available in Victoria’s Secret—and it was still too big. Shout out to your entire graduating class! They probably saw your nipples at least once since your pair couldn’t fill the whole cup.
2. Speaking of high school, your 18-year-old self was waiting for the day her pair would arrive, but… A decade later, they seemed to have gotten lost in the mail.
3. You’ve seriously considered bizarre boob-growing methods. The suction cup bra, breast-enhancing pills, straight-up estrogen supplements. You’ve pondered them all and maybe even sampled a few.
4. Wearing your “hello, fellas” push-up bra on a first date feels a little like a trick. Sure, they look great now…but when the boulder holder comes off for the first time, well, here’s to hoping he’s an ass guy.
5. Swimsuit shopping sucks twice as much. Everyone hates shopping for a suit, but when your boobs are fun-sized, you have to strike more poses than Kendall Jenner in the dressing room to ensure you don’t flash a nip at the pool.
6. And once you get to the pool, 15-year-old boys hit on you. It’s not their fault you look like you could star in a Disney Channel sitcom.
7. You’re told that it’s still possible that your girls will grow. But that’s only likely to happen after you get knocked up. Thanks, mom.
8. The sex move that involves putting a penis between your boobs is a pipe dream. There’s no way in hell that’s ever going to be a possibility for you. Maybe that’s for the best, though?
9. The “scoop” isn’t just a trick to make your boobs look perkier. It’s a way of life.
10. You Can’t. Stop. Staring. At other women’s boobs. You may have even tried to feel a girl up. #BoobGoals.
11. Buying lingerie is borderline impossible. Not surprisingly, kinky costumes don’t typically come small enough for a child to wear.
12. You’re singlehandedly keeping your tailor in business. “Yep, I’ll have the usual. Take three inches in on both sides. Thanks,” says you every time you buy a dress.
13. You’re genuinely surprised when you catch a glimpse of yourself with cleavage. It’s so exciting, you’re tempted to comment “Woo! Cleavage!” on the Facebook photo you’re tagged in.
14. You’ve perfected the faux cleavage boob squeeze. Just bring those arms a couple of inches in, and bam, you’ve got the goods—for about 30 seconds.
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