Relationships teach us about ourselves most times – our tolerance level and emotional limits.
No matter how upset you are, or how hurt you feel about your partner, there are just some things you shouldn’t say to them, because it could mark the beginning of the end of that relationship.
Below are 5 questions you should never ask your partner:
‘Are you sure you want to be with me?’ Though it is important for the health of a relationship for each partner to praise and cherish the other, each partner is actually responsible for their own basic level of self-respect and self-confidence. If you need constant validation on a basic level, then before long, your partner will find it difficult to admire or respect you. The solution to this is to make sure that you would want to be with you, and that you already enjoy being yourself. When you feel great in your own skin, it’s much easier for you to have the clarity of mind to actually assess whether the person you’re with is a great match for you and genuinely appreciates you.
‘Why are you so lazy, annoying, selfish, ungrateful? / Why aren’t you better, kinder?’ Don’t attack your partner personally when you’re upset, because it doesn’t help. You’re with them, the whole package of them, and they’re with you, the whole package of you. If you’re together, then you’re a match on some level. If you want the quality of your relationship to improve, it starts with how you communicate. Honestly express how you are and what you would like, without using blame, criticism, or demands.
‘Can I trust you? / Are you telling me the truth? It’s never a good idea to ask these questions point blank. Firstly, it puts your partner on the defensive immediately. Secondly, you can never trust the answer you’ll get. This is because if you’re not fundamentally sure you can trust someone, then asking them whether or not you can trust them will only drive you crazier.
‘What’s wrong with you? / Why are you always doing that?’ It’s never a good idea to make a negative judgment or a blanket condemnation of your partner, because it will simply reinforce the exact negative behaviours you’re trying to change because your judgments pushes them to isolate from you. Instead of attacking your partner personally for what you don’t like, share what you do like and how you would feel or do feel when they do those things. You might have to become introspective and creative to find out why certain things are so important to you.
‘Are you breaking up with me?’ Asking this question during daily conflicts is an unnecessary and emotionally destructive threat. if you actually want to break up right there, then just say so and follow through with it. Otherwise, ask genuinely clarifying questions of the other person. If it feels too heated right then, take a step back, reevaluate as objectively as possible, and discuss the matter again once the atmosphere has calmed.
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