According to Krystle Crossman of Healthy Black Woman, it is a sad and unfortunate fact that many women are in abusive relationships. It is an even more unfortunate fact that many of them don’t realize what path the relationship is headed down until it is too late.
Crossman lists some warning signs that you may be in an abusive relationship and should get out before it gets worse:
When you are around other people your partner likes to humiliate you. They will call you names and degrade you in front of anyone that you meet. They do this to have dominance in the relationship. They like to destroy your self-worth so that you feel like you don’t deserve anyone better.
You are not allowed to make your own decisions. They decide where you go, when you go, who you are friends with, and what you are allowed to wear. You have no control over your life anymore. Your independence is gone and they control every little thing that you do.
When you have done something that they don’t like or are not doing something they want they will threaten you. It may be a threat of physical harm or something else such as ending the relationship. Many women pass this off because they feel that they are empty threats but they often turn into real threats which they act upon.
If they are spoken to about their abusive behavior they will pass the blame off on you stating that you deserved it. They will deny that they are doing anything wrong and state that if you didn’t do certain things they wouldn’t have to hurt you.
If you are financially dependent on them they will use money against you. They will threaten to leave and take everything. They will give you an “allowance” and not let you touch the money that comes in. They may even restrict you from working so that you depend completely on them for income.
They will limit or completely destroy any relationship that you have with your family and friends. They do not want you to talk to others about the relationship and they do not want other people putting ideas in your head. This gives them complete control.
If you have children together they will often use them against you.They will turn the children against you by lying to them. They will use the children as a bargaining tool if they feel like you are going to leave them.
They will make you fear them. Intimidation is a way for them to control you and make sure you do everything that they want. They want to make sure that you are afraid to do anything wrong and too afraid to leave.
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