I know there are several debates about who should initiate sex between husband and wife, ranging from the argument of conservationism, civilization and what have you. But I intend to address the wifees here.
Out of the last five times you’ve made love, how many have you initiated, and how many has your partner initiated?
If you say it’s five, that could be a problem!
Now, I know sometimes you just start making love because you’re kissing and snuggling, and it’s not clear WHO initiated. It just happened (all the more reason to go to bed at the same time, so that things can “just happen”!). And sometimes he has a really low sex drive, and so the whole initiation pattern is thrown off. I’ve got a series for women in that situation here.
But quite often we get into this rut where he wants sex more than you do, and so he’s the one who always initiates making love. And you’re not even sure how to initiate sex, because you’ve never really done it!
Here’s what one guy said about initiating sex: Men don’t want to be placated; they want to be wanted.
Someone else puts it this way: For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite.When a man feels a good sexual connection with his wife he starts to want other forms of intimacy. Not tolerate, want. The need was always there, but it is hard to hear over the much louder need for sexual intimacy.
So, ladies, it’s time to step up to the plate! But how do you initiate sex?
1. Do Show Enthusiasm
If you’re going to initiate, the first step is NOT telling him “do you wanna?” The first step is getting in the right frame of mind for sex so that you’re enthusiastic about it, too!
2. Don’t Overthink It
When you get the thought, pounce on it! You’ll be happier later–and you’ll likely sleep better, too!
3. Don’t Be Embarrassed
If you grew up thinking that only boys wanted sex, and girls just acquiesced, then you may think that it’s your role to sit back and just respond to him. Anything else somehow upsets the apple cart.
But good girls DO want sex! God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you! You don’t need to be embarrassed around him.
Practice little things, like saying to him the morning after you made love, “I had fun last night”, or “you made me feel great!” Practice talking about it afterwards, and it makes it easier to talk about it beforehand!
4. Don’t Beat Around the Bush
If you’re embarrassed about saying, “do you want to make love tonight?”, then you may not give clear signals. Subtlety, isn’t a good thing. Be obvious. It’s easier on everyone!
5. Do Use Your Hands
Don’t like talking about sex? You don’t have to. Come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, start nibbling his ear, and let your hands wander.
Or lead him to the bedroom–but not with his hand. You can get things going without saying any words, if the words make you shy. Just do it!
6. Do Be Creative
Initiating sex can start earlier in the day. You can text him at work (“You’re in for it tonight!”). You can get dressed in your “pretty” underwear (not your functional underwear), and let him see, and say something like, “so this is what I’ll be wearing all day today….” You can put a note in his lunchbox, saying, “Wanna Skor tonight?”
If a thought occurs to you, do it! Chances are it’s a good thought, and most guys won’t laugh at you. They’ll definitely go with it!
7. Do Laugh
It’s okay to smile, and chuckle, and be giggly. It’s okay to act like teenagers. It doesn’t have to be super serious. You can joke around. You can flirt with your husband! It really is okay. And the more laughter, the more fun all around.
8. Do Be Eye Candy (It’s Okay!)
Instead of wearing your flannel pyjamas, get into some silk ones. Or put on a matching bra and panty set, and as you get undressed, show him what you’re wearing.
Or go naked underneath a bathrobe and “flash” him while he’s downstairs. Then walk away, and see if he follows.
9. Do Follow Through
If you’ve been texting him all day, or you whispered in his ear when he walked in the door, then do follow through. It’s hard on a guy to get his engines revving and then stopping with no warning. Obviously if something comes up you may have to forego sex that evening, but if you’ve been hinting, then as much as possible, set the right conditions.
If sex is your plan, then make sure it happens early, when you’re still thinking about it, rather than giving other things–the news, the computer, the movies–a chance to distract you and make you change your mind.
10. Do Be Active
Once you’ve caught his attention, and you’re heading to the bedroom, don’t let the initiation end. Be active as you make love. Touch him. Guide his hand. Be the aggressor–at least a little bit. Find a good position yourself. When you’re active, it shows him, “I want to do this.” If you lie there on your back and don’t do much, he may think, “she’s just doing this for me.” Show him you are interested, and you do want this to happen–by making it happen!
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