I‘ve heard plenty of stories about women who don’t want to have sex, but what if it’s your husband who has little interest? Mine has no physical problems, no extramarital affairs that I know of – he’s just never in the mood. How should I deal with this? Nkechi, by e-mail. Dear Nkechi, Sexual mismatch is one of the most common conflict in couples. It’s pretty rare that both partners want the same amount of sex at the same time.
As you pointed out, people assume it’s usually the wife saying “not tonight” and the husband getting hurt and angry, but many couples suffer from his loss of libido and her pain at being turned down. Men, like women, can lose interest when they’re stressed, depressed, or having trouble with a partner. Ask whether something is bothering him and be open to the answer. Tell him how much his sexual attention matters to you.
Then suggest something out of the ordinary – a position, activity, or place you’re never tried before. It doesn’t have to be something energetic, but a little variety can pull him out of a rut. You may think he has no medical problems, but if his sex life faded suddenly, it may be a sign of illness (hypertension, diabetes, or high cholesterol), a side effect of medication, or a symptom of alcohol abuse. He could also be suffering from his testosterone. So if his libido remains low, ask him to get a check-up.
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